Where Pooh goes Hollywood.
For Sale: Film Special fx Machine.
Hey Kids!
Are you thinking of doing The Exorcist part IV in 3D?
How about a remake of The Thing?
Alien 4 the Regurgitation?
The Blob?
It doesn't really matter what kind of movie you are thinking of making.
If it requires extensive amounts of mushy, gooshy, putrid, skanky, gloppy ultra gross fluids of the most revolting kind, We have just the machine for you!
Yessiree!!
Step right up and buy one today..
The Flublow 4000.
That's right! The Flublow 4000 is the latest in special effects wizardry.
The culmination of almost 40 years of research and development, The Flublow 4000 is the ultimate in combined design technology. Using only the best parts of the most successful fx machines in movie and special effects history (The Chunk N Spew, Ass Tsunami and Mega Ass Tsunami and the world renowned SnotRocket), the Flublow 4000 takes wet fx further than anyone could imagine.
With 9, count em 9 special effects ports available for your use, you have a stunning array of choices and nozzles available to you.
Need Slimy sludge? Access ports 3 and 4.
Need Gummy glop? (With or with out crunchies) Ports 1 and 2.
Yellow pus? Ports 5 and 6.....(We lead the industry in texture and color).
Act now, and we will throw in absolutely FREE!!! FREE!!! FREE!!!
Our Academy Award winning "River of Rhunus" module. (As seen in "Sewer Dweller The Movie")
NO! NO! NO!
We didn't forget you high volume boys. Try our newest attachment, the 56 gallons/sec Barforama III! Remember, we own the patent on the high-speed ejector!
Now for most, these features would be everything you could ask of a movie special fx machine and more, but is it enough for the Flublow 4000?
NO WAY!!!!
The Flublow 4000 also does super realistic sound effects!
Whatever your needs--Wheezing hacking and choking? Heaving spewing and retching? It's all there in glorious THX surround sound.
Producers and bean counters will also love knowing that quick turn arounds and multiple takes are a snap. No more having to wait and wait for that schedule busting regeneration time that so often plagues other fluid based fx machines.
The Flublow 4000 is ready to run at the drop of a hanky.
The Flublow 4000 comes to you in a completely self-contained package, operator included!
Order now!
Attention:
Flublow 4000 and its parent company Sickernadog Unltd. make no claim as to the hazards of use, or probable EPA penalties incurred, when using this product. Liability is the full responsibility of the end user
Hey, this product sounds great! As you know, my movie could definitely benefit from a machine like this! I am wondering, though, do you have to buy the whole unit? Don't you just have a kit somewhere? Like...couldn't you just transfer the Fluiblow techonology to someone else, who then could have his own machine and operate it himself?
I am wondering because I've been starting to feel like I might get into the special effects business, too. You know...anything to be more like you, buddy (i.e., the whole WWJD thing).
Good to have you back among the living (in both respects), pal.
Dear the other bill,
STOP!!!
I CANNOT EMPHASIZE STRONGLY ENOUGH THAT YOU SHOULD THINK LONG AND HARD BEFORE ACQUIRING THIS TECHNOLOGY.
While utterly spectacular in it's capabilities, it is all powerful, and will inflict SERIOUS damage, both physical AND emotional on the user.
Trust me when I tell you this is NOT the kind of bleeding edge hardware or software you want to get within 500 yards of.
you better not be sick - jeremy and i are finally free for a movie this weekend! ;)
Posted by: irish-girl on December 5, 2003 01:38 PMDear other Bill
worry not, the chinese have already purchased a flublow 4000 and are working on a knockoff tenitevely called the fubo 400, while the parts aren't as sturdy as the us counterpart, early tests are shoing it to be far superior. audience responce tests show a far greater number of people get sick from the fubo 400 then the flublow 4000. The Recent SARS outbreak was just one of the many success stories of the fubo 400.. comming to a city near you soon.
Posted by: bill on December 5, 2003 02:55 PMSorry folks. I went out on the Internet and found a bootleg copy of the Flublow 4000 plans. I put it together, but something must be wrong. I feel like shit, but I'm not getting any of the special effects I was looking for.
You're right, Jack. This thing isn't for amateurs. I'm going to spend the day disassembling the machine and get it outta here. Hopefully, that won't prove to be more difficult than meets the eye.
Have there been any reports of Flublows suddenly activating during disassembly? Ikes! I hope to god not!
Convalescingly yours,
the other bill
Ummm...Jackson..? This post is SooOOoOooo three days ago..! HullLLOOOooo..!
(just a loving hint from your friend, the other bill)
Posted by: the other bill on December 8, 2003 11:20 PM