Strangers in a Strange Land

In which Pooh goes visiting and comes home a better bear for it.

For those of you following this site, tonight was the night I was invited to dinner at Namvar's house. If you don't have a clue what I am talking about, (being clueless is a common malady of mine) you can read Here, And Here.

I have really been looking forward to this. I want to make a good impression with them. I've thought about that a lot the last few days. I am not talking about the regular, "Hi I'm not a jerk, I'm a decent guy" kind of good impression. Everyone wants to do that. I am aware that I would like to make a good impression as an American.
Jeez I just reread that...does that sound stupid or arrogant?
I hope not. In my head it doesn't feel that way. I think we all have been thinking a lot about the world and our place in it these last few weeks. Where do we fit in and what do we stand for anymore? This weighs heavy on my mind these days. I'd like to think outsiders don't think of us ALL as being super jerk morons like Bush. So I WANT to make a good impression.
But I know they have not been treated well by some people here and that makes me angry and a little defensive. Blah blahblah I'm rambling, sorry on with the story.

They live in a nice but small little home in St Louis Park in a neighborhood of similar homes. When I arrived, I was taken aback a bit by the formal and honorable way in which I was welcomed into their home. I didn't envision quite that much fanfare. It was obvious that this was a big and anticipated event for them.

I was introduced to Namvar's wife, Zari first. (I am probably going to mangle the spellings with these names here, but I am going mostly by phonetics so forgive me). She is a small, delicate and soft-spoken woman.

Then I was introduced to their two daughters, 11 year old Rahsa and 9 year old Hastee, whose first order of business, (as directed by their mother after shyly saying hello) was for them to each give me a thank you note. I had given Namvar money for the girls’ college fund and these were in response to that. I was directed to sit in what was obviously Namvar's chair in the living room and the family just stood there as I read. The whole evening was like this. It was all a bit surreal. Everything felt a little like Father Knows Best where everyone is on his or her best behavior for the boss that has come to the Anderson house for dinner.

It was clear that Zari had spent a great deal of time and effort to make things as perfect as she could as a hostess. They had planned a special dinner for me. Fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy and coleslaw!!
I found out later that Zari was sure I wouldn't like Iranian food, so she cooked something "American" she had never ever made before so I wouldn't dislike the food they offered. I was really charmed and touched by the thought.

I have to say I had a fabulous time.

It was so normal and yet it was so NOT normal. The language was a bit of a barrier; the kids spoke better English than either parent. But we got better as we went along.( My ability to speak with my hands AND both feet flapping out my own personal style of charades, I think sped the translation along.) We were having fun and laughing a bit, but there is a firm strictness and discipline and no small amount of solemnity woven into the fabric of life in their house.

Namvar seems very smart and I think he is way more outgoing than he has shown me so far.
Zari is still a bit of a cypher. She stayed quiet for much of the evening. Interestingly, I did not get the sense that this is a male dominated house. As much as we hear about the anti-female, super male dominated culture in Iran. I did get a feeling that Zari carries no small amount of power in the family.

In many ways, the girls are quickly on their way to becoming your average teenaged Americans. But there is always that sober, serious feeling when talking with them
I am not sure if some of that is because the girls were ordered to be on their best behavior or not. Perhaps in time I will see them running around and squealing like any other 9 and 11 year old little girls. I think so; Hastee in particular seems to have the imp in her eye.

After dinner I was again directed to what I thought of as the "Namvar chair" and everyone sort of gathered around and we talked. That is I talked.... Mostly I answered questions. Lots and lots of questions. Some about me, but mostly questions about everything and anything. Culture, movies, music, and even some religion and politics. Anything American.

I did learn some things. This is a family that has seen more than it's fair share of violence and grief. It is much of the reason for their leaving Iran. (And perhaps some of the cause of the solemnity). The amazing thing though, is how much this families plight and course is mirrored in our own as Americans. Persecuted and afraid. Driven to looking for a better place to raise a family. Searching for opportunity and freedom. Sounds just like us huh!!!!

Oh and one more thing.
ARE THEY HAPPY TO BE HERE!!!!

Even with all the crap people here have dished out to them, they are so grateful to be here. And belive me, GRATEFUL is the word.

It is a little embarassing how effusive they are to be here. Except, it rings of the truth and it speaks to the better parts of what I think America can and should stand for.

I am a hyper-curious guy by nature, and it was so much fun to be around this family as we learned about each other. They have some huge misconceptions about us, just as we do about them. I will write some about this in later posts.

All in all I had a wonderful time. I was quite moved by how much effort had been made for my visit. They have been in America almost 2 and 1/2 years. And they told me I am the first non-Iranian houseguest they have had.

I feel quite honored.

Posted by Jack at April 18, 2003 04:43 AM