Baby Fever
My sister Meggie is pregnant, like she's been for the past 9 months. Shrimpy was expected to get here on January 9th, and though it's last name will be Wilker, it is clear that the baby is already a M*Inerny. I just hope it ends up with the same amount of sarcasm and bitterness, or it will be emotionally and possibly even physically crushed by our family.
For everyone involved (and yes, EVERYONE is involved) this baby's gonna change some stuff. For example, Patrick, you are no longer the youngest. Therefore, you shit ain't gonna be so cute anymore so learn how to use deodorant and how to clip your own toenails. I'm gonna have to learn how to share the spotlight with something that poops its pants. My dad is going to have to learn that his cries for dinner will be drowned out by the baby's cries for whatever it is that babies cry about, which I think might be everything. And nothing. Austin might fall even further off the face of the earth. And Meghan? Meghan might have to share her birthday if Shrimpy McShrimperton decides to arrive on MLK day 2006. In other words, if you want any of Mom's attention, you better get it now.
I've already called her twice today.
Altough i will never learn to cut my own toenails (thank god for roomates) i do in fact.....on a occasion use deoderant. if you do research on the subject you will learn that under arm stench if caused when the sweat mixes with bacteria.....and since i am a clean and handsome sonofabitch my arms do not stink...... but i still have some foot work to take care of.
WHY are you (second person plural) so darn funny? I don't have a whole lot of attention to give these days.
What with my painting class (and desire to supplant Thomas Kincaid as the world's richest artist), my high powered executive job in the World of Advertising, my new obsession with beaded objects, watching Austin's orchid grow, and keeping track of MY life on MY blog, my days are pretty full. The nest is not only empty. It's closed. Good luck getting back in.
xxoo
Mom
This is like reading a David Sedaris novel, but cheaper.
I've often thought the same thing, Jay. It's also less gay.