Brain Pain
I used to pride myself on the fact that I didn't watch reality TV on network television. My reality was limited only to Vh1 Celebreality shows or equally vapid MTV programming. But The Bachelor? Forget it. If it's free, it's probably worthless.
Turns out I was absolutely right. Since cable was outrageously expensive without 4 roommates to split the bill, Apartment 9 has only 5 channels in english, made possible by this famous attena. I reasoned that without cable, there would be fewer programs to watch, and I would therefore watch less TV. False. I have since subjected myself to the following shows, and I hate myself for it:
1) Deal or No Deal: Dear Howie Mandel, please die. Sincerely, America.
2) The Bachelor: Dear American Women, you're sad and pathetic. Please consider mass suicide. Love, Me.
3) The King of Queens: I didn't watch this show the first time around, when it was called Everybody Loves Raymond and also sucked.
4) Miracle Workers: Sitting in my living room watching a blind man have his sight restored and a little boy have his spine straightened while Coldplay plays in the background makes me feel like I'm living in an unpublished Kurt Vonnegut novel. And I like it.
5) The Today Show: Katie Couric, you're terrible. I'm glad you're moving to CBS so I can get my worthless news segments without your plastic-surgery ridden face staring at me in the morning.
6) SuperNanny: If there is a more effective form of birth control than this show, I haven't heard of it.
7) WifeSwap: If you're an uptight southern man who doesn't like his woman getting all high-and-mighty and stepping outside of the kitchen, don't sign up for a reality TV program that ensures your wife will be replaced with some uppity hippie bitch.
8) Extreme Makeover: Home Edition: Also known as The House That Product Placement Built.
9) Beauty and The Geek: Another fine example of why the glass ceiling just isn't necessary.
10) American Inventor: This just makes me sad inside, which doesn't mean that I won't watch it again on Thursday.
No matter how many books I read, I think it's clear that I've lost the majority of my brain cells. Oh well, we had a good run.
AMEN! Personally, I get drawn into "Wife Swap" because I'm amazed at how, and it never fails, a country bumpkin is shocked at how few animals an urban family has.
"The Bachelor" makes me sad to be female...
Also, I don't think "Super Nanny" really talks that way. And, some of those kids should be monitored in high security psych-wards...or maybe their parents should be.
Yeah, I agree with you on the Super Nanny thing. And the brain cells thing. I miss mine. They send me postcards, though. From Tahiti. Tahiti, Nora. That's paradise.
Who says cable is any better. We have over 350 channels and there's STILL nothing to watch.
Clean Sweep. A disgusting look at people who can't seem to throw anything away.
H&G TV. How many shows on Decorating on a Dime do we need. It's either ugly or I can't afford it.
Queer Eye. Completly ruined by product placement.
The only thing that's really entertaining are the Public Access shows. Yea for choir concerts from elementary schools.
Hold up - say what you want about those other shows, but do not malign The Today Show. The Today Show is responsible for some of the more quotable quotes of the last ten years. Remember Hilary's famous comment about the "vast right wing conspiracy" just days before her husband came clean on Lewinskygate? Even better was the ridiculous Matt Lauer/ Tom Cruise interview in which Tom impressed us all with his expertise in the area of pediatric psychiatry: Cruise: "Matt. Matt, Matt, you don't even — you're glib. You don't even know what Ritalin is. If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, okay? That's what I've done." Love it!
I'm with you with the dis of Katie Couric, but the Today Show itself is good television. So, as my antihero Tom Cruise would say, don't be so glib Nora.
Go Campbell Brown Go!
So true. Seeing that clip of Matt vs Tom replayed on Italian news made me proud to be an American.
And agreed: Campbell Brown is the shit and Katie Couric is a terrible human.
The Batchelor marks the start of the end times. I'm sure it's somewhere in Revelations if you look hard enough. Repent!
also, Bachelor is not spelled with a T....