Explosive Diarrhea Is Always Funny.

I saw a lot of awesome things during my college years. I witnessed Josh eating an entire Crave Case (that's 30 burgers) from White Castle, holding them in for a full hour before puking his brains out. I saw garbage island (a pile of trash in the boys' dorm room that grew to epic proportions...just because). I saw every piece of our dining room furniture smashed by guys who were in the mood to bodyslam after 5 beers.

But in New York? I've seen even more awesome things. A blind woman calling a woman ugly and swinging her cane at her. A dude falling on his face while holding a to-go container of tomato soup. That 100 year old guy with a huge smile who plays the keyboard in the Times Square subway station while wind-up dolls dance along to the music. I even saw a girl walking down 15th street spontaneously puke into the gutter and then keep walking like it was no thang at all.

But the awesomest thing I have ever seen, the thing I've been talking about for weeks, happened on 12th Street while I was talking on my cell phone and walking to a babysitting job. Out of my peripheral vision I saw a flash of butt-white flesh. They were naked man-thighs. The belonged to a guy who was leaning against a Mercedes having explosive diarrhea with his pants around his ankles. He had the sense to cover his junk with his hands, but otherwise he was completely okay with the fact that he was pooping yellow diarrhea all over the street. And he wasn't a homeless guy, either, just a regular guy who couldn't make it to the bathroom, trying not to weep or let his stomach drop out of his ass.

I realize that this kind of thing isn't funny to everyone. Well, I don't really believe that. I think that secretly everyone can still be a 10-year-old and laugh at the misfortunes of others. Especially when it involves public crapping.

To Josh, Ryan, Dave, Paddy, all you other crazies, and my little brother Paddy: I sincerely wish you could have been there.