Not Hot.

There are many questionable fashion statements going on in my neighborhood. I won't go into the multitudes of women wearing midriff tops that show off their nice stretch marks, or SEE-THROUGH WHITE PANTS THAT SHOW THEIR UNDERPANTS, I just won't go into that.

What I will go into is the obnoxious and ridiculous wave of message tees that are permeating our society. It used to just be that t-shirts were a place to wear your brand, to let everybody know that you had paid$32.50 for an Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt and damn it, you were going to have that emblazoned across your chest.

Not anymore. And while I admit to owning a shirt that says, "Objects under shirt are larger than they appear," I'll also admit to feeling extremely uncomfortable with most of the "messages" I've been reading. Today a girl got on the subway wearing a t-shirt that says, "When your hot, your hot." I was staring at her hard enough that she noticed, which is when I had the urge to tell her that her t-shirt was sporting incorrect grammar, and was also ugly.

But bad grammar and poor spelling aside, there is a bigger issue at hand. I mean, what about age 14 dictates that it is appropriate to wear a shirt that says, "If you're rich, I'm easy." or "I'm good. Ask your boyfriend," or, my personal favorite, "This shirt looks better wet." I mean, I'm no prude, I'll talk to you about anything, except my parents having sex, because they never once did that. Never ONCE. NEVER EVER.

But there have always been slutty girls, that's not really news. What surprises me is how outright tacky teenage boys can be. The other day two dudes got on the subway, both well over 6'5", wearing clothes so ridiculously large that the dudes looked like the world's largest midgets, like oversized toddlers wearing their father's clothing. When I was in high school, it's not like the guys were wearing skinny jeans and tight black t-shirts.

Baggy was awesome, as were logos. I mean, if your clothes didn't have a brand name on them, why would you wear them? And if your sneakers didn't match your shirt and your belt and your purse, why would you walk out of the house? And if you weren't going to make sure that all those details were in place, well you could just forget about being cool, because COOL DOESN'T HAPPEN TO KIDS WHO DON'T WEAR THE RIGHT THINGS.

Which is what brings me back to the basis of this entire post, the tackiest t-shirts I've seen being sported by otherwise well-coordinated and perfectly baggy teenage boys. Picture in your head a large white t-shirt, sprinkled with a hint of glitter and maybe one or two sparkly jewels. On it is the Pink Panther, dressed in a fut coat, sporting multiple rings, and a large hat cocked over one ear. The t-shirt reads, "PINKIN' AIN'T EASY."

I mean, huh? Yeah, back in the early 90s there was that phase where Warner Brothers issued t-shirts with a "gangsta" Tazmanian Devil and Bugs Bunny, complete with sagging jeans and backward jerseys a la Kriss Kross, and that was bad, it really was. But "Pinkin' Ain't Easy?" That's tackier than the layers of eye makeup I wore in high school.