The Astoria Cup
Unlike some people, I’m really not into The World Cup. And by really not into it, I meant really, really, not into it. I mean, I don't even try.Not because it’s soccer and I’m a bonehead who doesn’t recognize that it’s popular in 99.9% of the world, but because big sporting events don’t hold a lot of significance for me.
In high school I could get amped over the State Championships, but as far as professional sports? I’m not gonna go nuts for it. Does that mean that if you have free Mets tickets you should call someone else? No way, call me. But if you’re going to paint your face for the Super Bowl please kill yourself.
That said, for the first time today, I kind of got it, this whole World Cup thing. I was walking down Steinway wondering what the cacophony of horn blowing and shouting meant, convinced that it was probably just an old-fashioned ass kicking or something. Not so. It was a bunch of nutso Italians stopping their cars to wave their flags and scream “ITALIA!!!”at anyone walking the sidewalk in an orderly fashion. Immediately my mind traveled to Italy, wondering how my little Italians were celebrating the win, and whether they’d been allowed to stay up late to watch the game.
The point is, most of the kids hanging out the windows of their friend’s cars weren’t from Italy, not in the literal sense. Italy was the land of their grandparents or great-grandparents, the place where they got their vowel-filled names and loud voices. Their cultural identity has been watered down to bad marinara sauce. The World Cup is a chance for everyone to be something other than America, for people to identify more closely with the lands they came from. Kind of like a really long St. Patrick’s Day for every different country.
Where I live, there is a good cross-section of World Cup participants represented, so I can only imagine what the next weeks hold. In my mind I imagine it will be something along the lines of a Sharks vs. Jets gang fight, with lots of choreography and theatricality. Flags are great for choreographed gang fights.
It's really too bad all the horn-blowing and shouting you heard WASN'T for a good old-fashioned ass-kicking. Because I would totally be into that. Especially if the fighters were from different countries and all the fans were gathered around on the street waving flags.
I also think that if it was just a one-on-one street ass-kicking competition, it would make it more fair for countries like Togo (my underdog pick in this year's World Cup, by the way). In fact, I would definitely bet on some big fat dude from Togo to win the World Cup of street ass-kicking. Go Togo!
I know. I myself really had my heart set on the ass-kicking. What does a girl have to do to see a street fight around here?
I go to a Midwestern Lutheran college and I get sick of the whole "I'm Norwegian--even though I have never been there and don't speak the language--my great-grandma was born in Norway so I am Norwegian." Although I have Nordic genetic code (if genetic code can be said to be Nordic) I don't consider myself Swedish because I don't have any real connection to Sweden. I guess I am ethnically Minnesotan if anything. This World Cup thing *IS* like St Patrick's Day and that is irritating. Celtic "culture".
I have a friend in Ireland who finds it strange and annoying when American people end up in Dublin talking about how they're "irish." In her words, "Um, you're American..."
And while I did try to explain to her that in America, you talk about what you are besides American, I kind of agree. NOTHING is more annoying than St. Patrick's Day, especially when people call it St. Patty's Day when it is clearly St. Paddy's Day.