Rest In Peace, Motherf*cker
I'm here to say a few words about my friend Francis. We didn't know each other for very long, in part because he was creepy as hell and was constantly hanging out in the bathroom. He had a terrible personality, he was filthy and disgusting, and to be honest with you, I hated him. I really hated him. Other than that, I'm sure he was a totally decent guy.
The first time we met, I was terrified. I was just trying to pee after drinking 20 ounces of Fanta and I open the bathroom door to see him standing awkwardly in the darkness. But to modify the rule that my father gave me when I grew up, the first time is scary, the second time is annoying, and the third time I'm going to spray you with window cleaner and hope you die.
The window cleaner didn't kill him, in fact, Francis slipped back into his little house underneath the tub for about two more weeks.
And then it was over.
I'm sorry, Francis. But you never paid the rent, you never cleaned the bathroom, and frankly, you were f*cking ugly.
See you in hell.
Love,
Nora
I think it deserves note that the soft-handed f*cker who claimed that Francis was dead did not actually confirm this fact. Instead, the truth comes out that he THREW HIM OUT THE WINDOW AND PRESUMED THAT FRANCIS WAS DEAD, IGNORIGN THE FACT THAT FRANCIS HAS WINGS.
I swear to GOD Francis, if I see you again I will kill you myself. I will kill you.
whoever got the drop on francis sure looks like he has really soft hands.
okay, so i've been found out, i don't exactly like to "kill" bugs. but in my defense i did kill one earlier that was going to eat mary clare.
Yeah, that's horrible. That is horrible. I would just scream at it and pee in the kitchen sink. I find it's best to set off a bug bomb every night right before I go to bed, I sleep better in general.
My, what a long way you've come, Nora! I remember when the sight of a centipede or a desicated bat would send you into convulstions. WHo says New York doesn't toughen one up!
Nora, clearly you haven't seen "Schindler's List." What that pansy Dave is done is show his true power by "pardoning" the disgusting, vile creature.
barfaramma!!!
Somehow Francis still lives ... I saw his twin brother (or son?) inching his way along my kitchen floor. He must have gotten work of the chocolate chip cookie cake and hazelnut biscotti on my counter. Oh wait ... you missed that. Glad that Francis Ford Coppola (my guy) has joined his brother / father in ROACH HELL!