Win a date with Nora M*Inerny
It's recently become obvious to me that there are very few people on this planet (possibly zero) with whom I could have a relationship. Are you one of them? Take the test to find out.
1) A bear and a gorilla are having a fight. Who wins?
2) A 7-year-old boy on a scooter eats it on the curb. Do you laugh?
3) How funny is diarrhea on a scale of one to ten?
4) Are your thighs bigger than mine?
5) How do you feel about tight jeans on men?
6) How do you feel about back fat?
7) What is the capitol of Vermont?
8) On a scale of 1-10, how well can you spell?
9) Wheat or white bread?
10) How often do you type or say the words BLAHBLAHBLAH?
OMG! How did you score??
1) A bear and a gorilla are having a fight. Who wins? A gorilla, because of it's agility, it's armspan, and it's tenacity.
2) A 7-year-old boy on a scooter eats it on the curb. Do you laugh? Hell yes I laugh!
3) How funny is diarrhea on a scale of one to ten? Trick question. It's not ON a scale of one to ten, it's off the charts.
4) Are your thighs bigger than mine? They are so big, they make my thighs look like toothpicks.
5) How do you feel about tight jeans on men? You're wearing them right now
6) How do you feel about back fat? It's lucky
7) What is the capitol of Vermont? Montpelier
8) On a scale of 1-10, how well can you spell? 10
9) Wheat or white bread? You've never eaten or made eye contact with white bread
10) How often do you type or say the words BLAHBLAHBLAH? I'm doing it right now.
I'm so bummed because I really wanted to experience that first date fun again. The only two where we had an exact match were #1 and 7.
You should get a man blow-up doll and dress him up like Burt Reynolds. He'll have the right answers.
11) Are you a man?
Um. No. Darn it!
I've considered the gorilla v. bear question for quite some time and from multiple angles. I've measured, I've consulted, I've stayed awake at night imagining the scene. My honest opinion is that the gorilla would have to win, and I'm not just saying that because of the primate connection. My reasons are my own. I feel this is not the appropriate forum to express them. However, I'll be glad to discuss this with anyone else seriously interested in this issue.
Remember when I had some diarrhea on my flip flop AND leg last night? That was sick. You do live on POOP STREET.
I don't want to worry you, but I didn't pass your test.
Sincerely,
Every Male on the Planet
Come on Jennie! Stop being such a mom, you know when a kid falls on those scooters you laugh. You laugh inside, you know it.
Jay, this is why if my IQ ever jumps up 600 points we're totally getting married.
um. I don't want to alarm you. But what are you doing on Friday night.