The lies girls tell {to other girls}.

I'm a pretty good bullshit detector, probably because I'm a really good bullshitter. As a girl, this is a good skill to be able to turn on when you need it. After all, sometimes the kindest thing you can do is lie. Not, of course, when your friend is about to buy a dress that makes her look line a linebacker, or when her eye makeup makes her look like she makes her living standing under a street lamp, but other times. The problem is, this desire to lie out of kindness seeps into other areas beyond fashion and makeup, somehow cancelling out all logic.

I'm talking, of course, about boys. I overhear (and participate in) enough conversations about boys to understand that this is the one topic on which girls ought to be honest. But no, no, no. We lie. Oh, we lie. Because somehow, in some sick and twisted way, we think its kinder to let our friends keep believing that some douche bag just may still be interested in them.

Example:

"He probably got really really busy. Or like, you know, he was working late, and then his phone died, and he's stuck in the pouring rain in midtown with no way to get a hold of you."

Really: He didn't call. Because he doesn't care. Get over it.

"He probably just text messages you in the middle of the night because he's waaaay too nervous to actually talk to you when he's sober, you know? Because he really, really likes you. He DOES. He just, you know, doesn't know how to deal with those emotions.

Really: He sent that booty-call text to five other girls. You were the one dumb enough to go over there. Next time, tell him to go jam himself and turn off your phone.

"No, he still likes you. He does. He really does. It's just, look, he doesn't know what to do with these feelings. Because you're really cool, and he's probably never dated like just a really COOL girl, you know?"

Really: He doesn't like you. He's not thinking of you. Move on.

"That girl is probably like a friend of his from whenever, like way back, okay? And she was probably ALL over him and he's not going to be rude and mean and be like, look you ugly slut, get off me, I totally don't like you. Right? Because he's like a NICE GUY. So he was being JUST nice, and she just totally kissed him, you know?"

Really: He made out with another girl. Because he doesn't like you. Walk away.

Now, wasn't that easier?