Awesome Year Continues: A Message To My Stakeholders

Waaay back in October, I declared a new fiscal year for myself. The 1st quarter saw a sharp increase in social capital (as evidenced by the large amount of photographs of myself and my roommates flashing peace signs in basement bars) and an obvious potential for Increased Personal Awesomeness. If this wasn't obvious when I made out with a stranger in the back of a Greyhound Bus from Denver to Las Vegas, I don't know what is.

As we are well into our 2nd quarter, I'm sure you're all itching for an update. In list form, of course. After all, if you're going to continue to invest your idle Internet time, cell phone minutes and/or dollars on me, you deserve to know what's going on.

--I am now the proud owner of a real bed. A big-girl bed. No more sleeping on a mattress on the floor like a meth addict. The mattress is now leaned up against the wall like I live in a crack house.

--Both purchased and rocked my first ever lady-suit. I always said I'd never wear one, but once I got a taste of what it felt like to really look the part of a high-powered, ball-busting bitch, I liked it. No, I loved it.

--Paid my taxes. THREE DAYS EARLY. Eat that, Suze Orman!

--Have committed to taking vitamins every day. Ultimate Woman vitamins from the Vitamin Shoppe, to be exact. Somehow, this makes me feel like I've accomplished something every morning. It also makes my pee bright yellow.

--Started a new job.

I'm sure you noticed that with the increased awesomeness, the writing suffers. I'll have my people draw up some venn diagrams or line charts or something to illustrate exactly why this happens. Until then, blame the large amount of awesome cat videos on YouTube.