I brought in some sushi to work yesterday and had a fun time eating it and teasing/encouraging others to give it a try. Wow. People sure don't venture out of their little comfort zone very much, do they? Most people assume sushi means raw fish, when technically it only means vinegared rice. It does seem to appear most commonly with fish, but I had both vegetarian and tuna sushi and only 4 of my coworkers were brave enough to put some in their mouths. They all liked it, too. I just hope they don't expect this to be a tradition. I guess it is OK if only a few people try it -- that means there is more left for me. Yum!

Go on over to Salon.com and read the piece on the 2002 Oscars: Somebody make it stop!. I laughed mightily during the reading of this snarky little bit.

The NYTimes recently ran an article on Moby: All by Himself. Take a look. His new album comes out May 14th and I eagerly look forward to checking it out.

I was for walk a bit ago and, while it is a very nice end-of-winter evening with clear skies and bright stars, a thought really stuck in my head that made me feel a bit sad. All my neighbors and their neighbors and their neighbors... well, we live pretty close to one another in similarly small "starter home" type of houses in this first-tier suburb. Now, I know it is still a wintery climate (spring should be here soon, though) but we are all so darn isolated...

...nobody is out and about and the blue flickery light behind everybody's curtains is blunt testimony to the most common activity taking place -- everybody inside their little box watching a little box. Everybody working hard to have a little box to climb into and disconnect by connecting to the tube.
Why don't we all connect to each other? Are we frightened of each other? Do we think we aren't interesting enough to others? Not clever or pretty or funny enough? Do we think everybody else to be annoying nitwits or invasive or boorish?
I am curious why people do this, and yet I am just as guilty as everyone else. I come home from work, sit down in front of my computer (ie: a box) and check email and phone messages (if any), read a bunch of websites, make graphics and/or webpages, beta-test software, write, read, listen to music, watch movies, etc. I don't think I am anti-social but perhaps I have a tendency to lean slightly that way as I enjoy my private time so very much and don't have a problem being alone.
Yet I find myself wanting deeper human interactions. Intense conversations. Heated discussions. Sharing of knowledge and stories. Connecting with others. But the next time I am in a group situation I clam up and mostly listen. Or perhaps just sit quietly in my own space and observe. Or daydream.
I think the problem is that I, and perhaps many others, just never really learned the important keys to good social interaction during younger years. Or maybe we just spend so much time watching TV or with our computers that our interaction skills have grown weak and useless. So we stick to our boxes... which reinforces our weaknesses...
Let us all try to break out of that particular box next time the opportunity presents itself -- I resolve to interact with my neighbors next time I see them or I will actually initiate contact with them and I will learn about their lives, their passions, their stories. And, this is critical, I will listen and remember what they say.

One of my co-workers just came up to and said: "Great to see you here... late on a Friday night... on double-time... when you are single... with your own house..."
I'm sure I have no idea what he was implying. I mean, that doesn't mean anything, right? right?

Steve Jobs took the stage tonight in Japan and introduced an updated iPod (now at 10 gigs + $100), a lucious new 23" flat panel display, and OS X support for Bluetooth (short-range wireless). Nothing to sneeze at, but fairly mild as Mac World keynotes go. I personally don't see much in the use of Bluetooth and would just prefer everything to be 802.11x (AirPort), but maybe I just don't get it. What good is a range of 30 feet gonna do you that IrDA (infared) didn't already do? I admit I am clueless about the application for this. Is it just speed?
Oh, and they jacked up the price of iMac by $100 to compensate for rising costs of RAM and LCDs. bummer. People will still buy it, though.

Whoo boy. One of those days. It started off by being horribly redundant in what I was required to do and then it just got messed up from there.
Have you ever had really odd and unexplainable stuff occur on your computer or network? Not OE (operator error) type of stuff, but really mysterious things? For example, tonight I'm trying my darndest to get a file output and it isn't working and causing much grief so I try rebooting one of the machines I am working with and suddenly two files start spooling over -- from a machine that was not even in use! These files just came out of nowhere and started processing. Where were they prior to their appearance? Just floating in the ether(net)? Stuck in queue? Man, it was frustrating as these ghost files were totally screwing up my job and delaying me by well over an hour. Urgh. To top it off, they didn't even output properly. Really. If a ghost file is gonna screw me up, it should at least be correct.

The Czech Republic has enacted the world's first National Light Pollution Law which addresses light and other types of air pollution. Great news for fans of viewing the heavens. A similar law exists in the Lombardy region of Italy.

Get yourself out to the theater to see "Monsoon Wedding" by Mira Nair (she's also done "Salaam Bombay" and "Kama Sutra"). This movie is probably my 2nd favorite movie of recent releases, right behind the wonderful "Amelie." Hmm... imagine that, two of the best recent films are foreign films. Wonder why that is? (sarcasm). The movie is colorful, beautiful, touching, funny, celebrates life and love and chaos... check it out. You won't be disappointed.
Read more about it: FilmMaker | Salon 1 | Salon 2

Check up on the progress of light rail in the Metro area: Hiawatha Light Rail Home Page
Or try this link: Metro Council Transportation

Evan Mather and Rodney Ascher have come up with Dogma 2.0, a manifesto for online short films:

1. no dialogue
2. no narration
3. the length of the credits may not exceed 1/20th the length of the film
4. non-verbal human or animal utterances are permitted (albeit not encouraged)
5. must have French subtitles which cannot be larger than 1/3 the English titles
6. maximum file size of 5 megabytes

The main reason I wanted to keep this blog/journal was to force myself to do more writing - any kind of writing - to keep my creative juices flowing (hopefully). Well, like anything, it takes dedication and time and it is frightening how easy it is to just let it slide when other things start occupying your time (job, computers, etc). I'm not gonna sit here and whine about how much I haven't written here lately or make promises that I'll write more, I just wanted to put down for the record the main reason behind running this site so I would be reminded and reminded and reminded and...

Wanna big fat clue about how to make your new *nix server setup easier? Here are two clues: don't try to run your own DNS (BIND) and don't try running SENDMAIL. My word! How the hell does any normal person have a chance to get these two things configured and running properly?! It is like quantum physics or DNA-splicing. Even with a "Dummies" book! Ha. O'Reilly, actually.
Through much trial and even more tribulation I finally discovered that having your registrar (if they are cool) do your DNS is the free, easy way to go. Oh yes. And forget Sendmail. Get yourself Postfix instead. It fully replaces sendmail, runs like sendmail, but (get this) you can figure it out and it works! What a relief.
Maybe I'll move all this (this server) over to the new one someday soon...
Wait! Here's a third clue (which I did not use): Mac OS X

I lent my awesome, like-new, strong, padded K2 snowboard bag to my friend Michael for his recent trip over to Switzerland (I turned down the option to go along 'cuz I'm trying to save money) and somehow during the flight and/or baggage check the bag gets completely trashed. This is a bag made out of really strong rip-stop Cordura (or something very similar) and jumbo zippers and wide -duty straps. This is a bag that doesn't just split apart and fall to pieces. Yet somehow the bag ended up slashed, ripped, mutilated, destroyed, etc. Hmmm... you think maybe one of those baggage handlers might have been looking for something? Maybe looking for something convenient to rip off? Oh, wait, maybe it got dirty and they were trying to wash it off in the sink and it fell in the garbage disposal while it was running and they couldn't get it out in time. Yeah, I bet that's what happened. Ptah! Argh. Fuckers. There, I said it. Now, I have already passed along the "bill" for adequate replacement and they (the airline) had better do right and do it quickly, too. I am waiting...

Or rather, how MY brain sometimes works and why I do or don't see certain movies or do certain things in life:

I am very empathetic to characters on the big screen - very much so - and it just gets to be too much for me sometimes. Yes, crashing waves of overwhelming reactions. I can very easily suspend my disbelief when watching movies (or reading or listening to music or sometimes other situations). Sadly, this causes me to judge movies before I've seen them based only on their previews and how emotional/disturbing they might potentially be to me. Sometimes I have actually gotten physically sick from watching a movie ("The Believers" or "Pulp Fiction" or "Steel Magnolias" (don't laugh))... that is how powerful an effect that movies can produce in me (and why I'm also drawn towards them).

I'm not saying I'm a sissy-boy or anything (not that anyone would probably think that) but I know I react more deeply than most people. Now, this is sometimes a really good thing and allows me to transcend the 2D presence of the projected image*, but often times it is quite the opposite. I have suffered from panic attacks/anxiety (and due to this, depression as well) since I was about 12 years old. If you've ever had a panic attack, you have some idea what it is like to inhabit my body -- except that it is a daily thing and a big struggle between me and my fears.

That is really what it is: fear of fear. I don't like the feeling that panic attacks induce (utter fear) so I fear having the fear again. Which is stupid and illogical. I am aware of that. I have gone to months and months and months of therapy and taken many a brand of anti-depressant and/or tranquilizer to help counter-act the situation. Fearing fear leads you to avoidance behaviors (also illogical and stupid) and basically it is easier to not see something that -might- upset me than to sit through it uncomfortably. I know this means I miss a lot of otherwise excellent movies, but it is rather akin to me not eating dairy products. The pain is horrible so it is easier to not eat dairy than suffer the consequences (no matter how damn bad I just want a simple bowl of vanilla ice cream!). I had to go back to "12 Monkeys" twice to see the whole thing. I also had to leave "The Matrix" for a few minutes to calm down. These are two of my favorite movies!

A major drawback to this is that I spend so much time balancing myself and fighting off the panic/fear that I become less effective at focusing on other more important things: creativity, friendships, family. I have at times wondered what I might otherwise have achieved in my life by now would it not be for this little affliction (just out of curiosity, not feeling sorry for myself).

What is really rather interesting is that if I can get through something that produces these effects in me, I go the opposite direction once it is finished and it is a total adrenalin-type of rush -- I am in high-spirits and talkative and energized and feel very alive. But not often enough!

I even thought I would almost be sick the night I went to show MY little movie I made a few weeks ago. Why?! No legitimate reason, but man, was I worked up. My leg wouldn't stop shaking/bouncing around and I had cold sweats and queasy stomach until after my movie was shown. Not just normal "fear of public speaking" nervousness, but rather extreme whacked-out nervousness.

This is about as succinct an explanation as I can give. This is the way it is with me and I am always trying to rise above it but there will be times when I simply choose not to do something and this is usually why.

Thanks for listening.

*When I remarked in conversation the other day that watching the Bjork concert videos was emotional, I wasn't exaggerating in any way. Just watching her sing, her movements, her mouth shape, her expressions -- it puts me on the verge of rapturous tears.

Dang, it is March 1st and here I was thinking we were almost free of winter's frozen shackles. Now they say it will be the coldest weekend of the past year. Brrrr. No thanks. I want sun and warmth on my skin, zephyrs from the tropical region brushing my face, crickets chirping in the summer twilight. I know those things aren't all that common here in Minnesocold, but I'm probably not moving anywhere else in the near future. So I resign myself, talking myself into believing that this summer will be perfect and warm and sunny and fine and fun and I'll appreciate it all the more after yet another winter season. Uh-huh. Yep.