The other morning, round about 5:00am (which is a very ungodly hour), I was violently jolted from my slumber through a well-placed knee to my booty. I don't just mean a little casual accidental grazing, no, I mean a very strong and painful knee brought up and squarely into my tailbone. Remember in grade school when you'd come up behind somebody and grab their shoulders and then give them a wicked knee bump in the rear? That's what this was like. Except I was sleeping peacefully. At 5:00 am. After flailing about in panic for a second I rolled over and said, "What?!" The bump-er was mostly unconscious and didn't even realize the throbbing pain she had just inflicted. She mumbled something sleepily in response. I said, "You kneed me!" She processed this information slowly. "What do you mean I need you?" I said, "Honey, you kneed me." She was confused and still groggy. "Need you?! I need you?" If my bottom wasn't smarting so much this would have been hilarious. "No, kneed with a k. You just drove your knee into my tailbone." A brief silence. "Oh," she replied. I think she was going back to sleep. In fact, maybe she didn't even wake up. "It's still throbbing..." I whispered to the darkness.